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A friend of mine recently called me to ask me about my experience in planning for a child, pregnancy, and giving birth. After I hung up the phone, I realized there were a lot of things that no one really told me about labor and delivery.
I did a lot of research in anticipation for the day I was going to be a mom. I read books, listened to audiobooks, and I attended a pregnancy program with my health provider. All of my questions were answered so I welcomed labor with an open mind and prepared for all scenarios.
I had natural delivery at a local hospital. That day, I was almost 38 weeks pregnant and I was supposed to go to work but I felt irregular contractions so I stayed home. I rested and used an app to time my contractions. Around 9pm, the contractions were regular and I couldn’t take it anymore so we went to the hospital.
I got an epidural that stalled my labor for a couple of hours. After an hour or so of pushing, my son came out at 6:25 am. It’s been a year and a half since I gave birth. Looking back, there were a lot of things I realized I never knew about labor and delivery.
1. Back labor
I only heard about back labor a few weeks before I gave birth when my cousin told me she experienced it. It sounded painful but I thought it would just be like regular back pain that I felt from time to time. I didn’t realize it was worse than contractions until it happened to me.
According to the American Pregnancy Association (APA), back labor is the intense pain or discomfort felt in the lower back during labor. 25% of women experience this while giving birth and it is usually due to the position of the baby.
It doesn’t hurt the baby but it can cause some complications especially if the baby is in an unfavorable position. There’s no way to totally prevent back labor but there are many ways to manage it during labor.
In an article from Romper.com, 20 moms describe what back labor felt like. Some choice words from this article include “stabbed with a burning hot blunt object”, “like someone stomping and twisting my spine”, and “being ripped open by a chainsaw”.
I entirely blocked out the pain that I can’t remember what it feels like but my vague memories of it were closest to Nicole’s description in the article: a sword being run through me. However, mine included vomiting and diarrhea for some reason.
I wanted to stay at home as long as possible so I tried my best to stay until my contractions were closer apart because I did NOT want to be sent home. To get through the pain, I had my husband apply a fistful of counterpressure to my lower back while I was on my hands and knees. It was still so painful that I even had him do it while driving us to the hospital (do not do this!).
I wish I had my handheld massage gun then to use on my back. We’ve been using it for several months. It’s so strong and it has different massage heads to target different types of pain. This definitely would’ve helped reduce my back pain and take the pressure off my husband to massage my back harder.
2. Need to pee in a cup
You expect to pee in a cup every time you visit your midwife or OBGYN but I did not realize that I needed to do another urine test at the hospital at the height of my back labor. I don’t know how I managed to do it before getting into the hospital bed but I did.
It’s a good thing they made me do it because they found I had Group B Strep even though my initial screening during one of my doctor’s visits indicated otherwise. I had to take antibiotics while in labor through my IV to prevent it from passing to and infecting my son at birth.
3. Nobody looked at my birth plan
I kept an open mind about labor and delivery but I still came up with a birth plan because I wanted to make sure that I had an active role in how the birth went. It took me a couple of hours to come up with a birth plan that I was satisfied with. I printed a couple of copies for my husband and the hospital but no one asked for it and we forgot all about it.
It’s a good thing I was flexible and went with the flow. I was also thankful that the doctors and nurses kept me informed and I was able to provide consent when needed.
So if you’re thinking of creating a birth plan, do it anyway! Even if you throw it out the window because the situation changes or you forget about it, the process of creating a birth plan will help you figure out what you want and don’t want.
Discuss specific situations and decisions with your partner so they can advocate on your behalf. Discuss your birth plan with your doctor so he or she can tell you what’s possible and what’s not possible where you plan to give birth.
If you need help developing a birth plan, I’ve created a free and easy to use template. Download it below!
4. Urinary catheter
If you get an epidural, you will usually get a catheter to pee. Somehow, the thought of this made me fearful but I didn’t even notice when it was put in after the epidural and I didn’t feel it when they took it out.
I was able to use the bathroom just fine afterwards but I did have an accident once when I didn’t get to the bathroom in time. I guess my bladder was still figuring itself out.
The hospital provides disposable pads, underwear, and ice packs. However, I would recommend getting your own so you can get some that are more comfortable for you. Buy a pack of disposable underwear to use during labor and postpartum. For postpartum, I would also recommend postpartum ice maxi pads, an upside-down peri bottle, perineal spray, and a sitz bath for a more comfortable road to recovery.
5. Pushing sideways
Doing my research on labor and delivery, I became familiar with the many different ways a woman can push out a baby. One I didn’t expect was the side-lying position. How can I possibly push sideways?
According to EvidenceBasedBirth.com, positions like side-lying takes the weight off the tailbone and reduces the use of vacuums or forceps. Also, in an article by TheBump.com, Lindsey Bliss, a birth doula, talked about how side-lying can help the baby to come down and rotate.
A couple of hours after I got the epidural, I was told to go on my side to start pushing. A peanut-ball was placed between my legs for support. Whenever I bore down, my husband was there to push my top foot up towards my chest.
It felt super weird to be pushing like this. Maybe it was the epidural, but, for the most part, I didn’t feel like I made any progress. Somehow I was making progress because I pushed like this for an hour or so before I returned to lying on my back to finally deliver my baby.
Get your own peanut ball here to help you during labor.
6. Breastfeeding doesn’t feel natural
Soon after my son was born, I was expected to start nursing him. I met with a lactation consultant in my hospital room and she showed me how to feed my son. I had to scoop up my boob like a big hamburger and shove the whole thing in his mouth to help him latch properly. It didn’t feel natural. It actually felt weird for a few weeks and sometimes a bit painful.
If you are struggling with breastfeeding, KellyMom.com has a great article to help you through this process. I met with two lactation consultants and asked them a lot of questions to make sure I was feeding my son correctly. My husband was also active in these appointments so he helped me make sure my son latched on correctly at home.
My friends and family were kind enough to make me soup with moringa regularly which helped to increase my milk supply. Nipple cream is also helpful for breastfeeding moms because it helps with cracked and painful nipples. Be on the lookout for signs and symptoms of plugged ducts or mastitis so you can make sure to get the help you need from your doctor.
7. Baby has separate expenses
Before I gave birth, I calculated the cost of natural delivery and C-section. I also got a call from the hospital giving me an estimate for both. The amount was pretty close to what I was expecting.
I prepared for these expenses by signing up for a health savings account at my work. The program took a designated portion of every paycheck so I can set it aside for qualified medical expenses like doctor’s visits, medication, and birth. I maxed out the account that year because it covered most of the cost of labor and delivery.
After paying the bills at the hospital, I was surprised to find another bill in the mail for about $1300. I thought it was a mistake so I called the hospital. They explained that my son had a different bill because he was a whole new person. What? This was not in our budget.
If you are figuring out the cost of labor and delivery with your insurance, make sure to ask if the estimated costs include both of you. Ask if they have a payment plan that you could join. For my son’s bill, the hospital gave me 20% off the bill if I paid in full instead of using the payment plan. There are options out there for you. You just have to ask.
Everyone’s situation is different
Every mom’s experience with labor and delivery is different. It can differ with each baby, delivery setting, and other factors. You just have to be prepared for all scenarios and be flexible whenever the situation changes.
Has any of these things above happened to you or someone you know? Are there other things about labor and delivery that you wished someone told you? Comment below!
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Very informational and detailed post, thank you for sharing your personal experiences! I am glad I read it! 🙂
Thank you Anna! I’m glad you read it too.
Such a great post! The breastfeeding part really resonates with me: it was not easy at all and I wish I had know about how hard it can be before giving birth. I definitely think I could have felt more prepared and would have contacted a lactation consultant way earlier than I did. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Hi Monica, thank you for your comment. 🙂 I was lucky that, a few hours after I gave birth, a lactation consultant immediately came in my hospital room and offered her help. I am not sure how it is for other health providers but I couldn’t imagine figuring it out on my own.
Thanks for sharing!! There are so many things no one tells you about!!
Thank you Anthea! Yes, it makes it difficult to prepare for childbirth when you don’t know details like this.
This was very informative. I’ve always had an irrational (some might say) fear of giving birth andefects although I’m still very much afraid this gives me an idea of some of the possibilities. Thank you for sharing!
Hi Kimberley, I too had an irrational fear of birth during my first trimester. Please reach out if you need someone to talk to about it. 🙂
All of this! There is a lot that goes in to the process of giving birth! I’m grateful that the class we chose to take was 12 weeks and we learned so much!
Thank you Steph! Did you take the class through the hospital or through another organization? The one I attending via my health provider was about 12 weeks long too and it was comforting going through pregnancy with other new moms.
there is so many challenges involved in giving birth. Thanks for sharing your personal experience! this will be of help to so many!
Thank you Hari! I’m glad you enjoyed my post. 🙂
These are very helpful tips especially to first time moms. Who would’ve thought that there is a separate expense for the baby? This is also a good reminder to put off unnecessary expenses and set aside some savings for the baby. There are really a lot of details to look into and prepare for emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Hi Aleeza, thank you for your comment. Yes, it really surprised me when I got the bill for my son. That was totally unexpected.
All births are definitely different. My oldest was only induced bc I got huge and I am a small momma. It was horrible for my first experience because they didnt put the epidural in right. It hurt way worse than with the other two kids and caused a contraction. Then it only numbed the right side of my body. Being the weirdo I am I thought it was funny that I couldnt feel my leg and decided to smack my leg. Then I lost oxygen. I dont recall passing out. They never really prep you for that scenario. Ended up on oxygen. The nurse I had was rude and told me to stop crying. As a small girl gibing birth to a 9 lb girl, I’m allowed to cry! Second baby everything went wrong. Cord was too short amd wrspped around her neck twice. Baby had medical issues and was in NICU for a while. She is doing good now. My son tried to come early. Now here is another thing they don’t tell you. The day after they stop contractions so you don’t go into early labor sucks. The next day I was home. Laying dowm watching tv with ex. I had to potty. Come to find out the meds made it so I couldn’t get up off the bed. My legs wouldn’t work. I laod there crying. My husband thought I was just sad from what happened as we had already lost a baby. That is a horror story there! When I told him I had to potty and couldn’t move he had to help me up. Then my son decided again to come early. This time closer to the due date. The back labor was torture. Oddly I remained calm. I was so clpse to going natural. I looked at my ex and calmly asked for him to get the nurde while he watched Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Have birth alone though. He decided that being present wasnt sorti the trouble.
I didn’t pee in a cup when I got there. Just for appointments. Is that new? I think I have heard of birth sideways. Also squatting. But I imagine that to be hard to do.
Hi Ashley, thank you for sharing your story. You are very brave. It is disappointing, however, that the nurse told you to stop crying. She should’ve been there to support you. I am not sure if peeing in the cup during labor is new or just specific for the hospital I was at. That’s why I was so surprised I had to do it when I could barely get through the back labor.
Thank you for sharing! I’m due in November and found your tips about the birth plan and expenses very helpful.
Thank you Alex! I’m glad my post is helpful for you. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions.